by Jeff Danglo
I’m not shifty, but if you’re under fifty,
Stop your streaming, go do some dreaming,
You haven’t a clue, this ain’t for you
This song no hoax, it’s just for old folks,
Hit the crapper, you whippersnapper,
No rap junk, for you young punk,
Cause I’m a bore, at age sixty-four,
Sometimes called, the guy’s who’s bald,
My daily snack, is the pill Zantac,
With Ibuprofen, don’t feel broken,
Make fat sounds, at two hundred pounds,
I’m apathetic, about being diabetic,
Need some ointment, another appointment,
Doctor’s not free, bills are killing me,
- - - -
My house falling apart, like abstract art,
Floors creaking, roof is leaking,
It’s a bummer, can’t afford a plumber,
To fix many types, of broken pipes,
Don’t have what’s required, can’t retire,
Feel the insecurity, of social security,
My 401K, won’t go all the way,
My prediction, my future depiction,
No open door, just old and poor,
- - - -
To get a date, I think it’s too late,
Like falls of Niagara, I need Viagra,
And I’m a stink bomb, on match dot com,
Oh dear, oh dear, I need a beer,
Feel lackluster, where is Buster,
Go for a walk, want a treat?
Go to dog park, meet and greet?
The sun is shining, the grass is green,
Call me sappy, glad Buster is happy.
The Internet Was Killed Rap
by Jeff Danglo Copyright © 2019
New boss at work, is a real jerk,
Another meeting, talk about competing,
Worth repeating, opportunities fleeting,
Money is the prophet, must increase profit,
He mentioned twice, the poor stock price,
Business needs a lift, if you get my drift,
Need to be swift, for paradigm shift,
Employees must sacrifice, for fiscal paradise,
Be more proficient, be more efficient,
Been advised, everything must be analyzed,
Procedures too slow, improve workflow,
Take a swing, to improve messaging,
Guarantee, more synergy,
I want to stand up and shout,
What the Hell are you talking about,
My boss is an idiot, not very literate,
But he cant be crossed, cause he’s the boss,
He wasn’t ashamed, when he proclaimed,
Everyone get wired, or you’ll be fired,
The policy read, get a chip in your head,
Wasn’t desired, it was required,
You can’t skip, the computer chip,
There was no dissent, just sign the consent,
I was a cynic, but went to the clinic,
Don’t sneeze they said, as it went in my head,
Felt perverted, to have that chip inserted,
I worry about removal, pending FDA approval,
It’s insane, a chip in your brain,
No use to rage, it’s the internet age,
Now I don’t fail, to check my e-mail,
From Vienna, I got an antenna,
When stuck in my ear, wifi is clear,
No more complaining, about on-line training,
Information fed, right into my head
As intended, everything was splendid,
Then the sun had a stroke, and the internet broke,
It was pathetic, electromagnetic,
The sun’s misfire, fried all the wires,
So much despair, from that one flare,
Such a long span, without a contingency plan,
Imposters humbled, as society crumbled,
Seven billion affected, no longer connected,
Wires and screens, and computer machines,
Computer interface, cannot replace,
High humidity, and human stupidity,
Now in my habitat, with my tinfoil hat,
I drink some gin, give my hat a spin,
When I let it go, I hear AM radio,
In the afternoon, I can hear some tunes,
From the chip in my brain, keeps me sane,
Music like rain, from the chip in my brain.
Music like rain, from the chip in my brain.
THE CAT IS MY MOM’S ONLY FRIEND RAP
by Jeff Danglo Copyright ©2019
My life once chilled, now I may be killed,
With great fervor, I may be murdered,
Not by a gang, with a gun and a bang,
Not any other, but by my own mother,
Killed with a thud, by my own flesh and blood,
I just caused strife, with the love of Mom’s life,
What took shape, was the cats escape,
As I took out the trash, in a feline flash,
Cat slipped out the door, as I cursed and swore,
Mom always shouts, don’t let the cat out,
Mom is going to knock me out,
I need to find it, I need to find it,
Back in her dome, before Mom come’s home,
----- (a break here)
Mom’s been depressed, doesn’t need more sadness,
Mom’s sad crime, alone all the time,
Her boyfriend Jerome, went to a nursing home,
Her heart broke, when he had a stroke,
A bad Godsend, for her only friend.
Mom won’t admit it, it broke her spirit,
Her companion gone, has to to live on,
Edges no longer soften, she’s sick more often,
Longer to mend, cat her only friend,
No longer social, always stays local,
Has cat conversations, to relieve isolation,
Oh crap, here comes Mom, try and stay calm,
She gave me the look, I knew I was cooked,
Mom was pissed, my excuses dismissed,
Got the finger wag, as she put down her bag,
Then standing pretty, she called kitty, kitty,
And just like that, just like that,
Cat volunteered, and re-appeared,
Meowed her charms, hopped in mom’s arms
Mom smiled with glee, then snorted at me,
Got the evil eye, as we walked inside,
-----
I decided to be nice, or pay the price,
So after dinner, as the sinner,
I remained calm, watched TV with Mom,
Acting cheery, for Big Bang theory,
For her behalf, pretending to laugh,
Jokes were sappy, but Mom was happy,
She was having fun, with someone,
But that damn cat, in her habitat,
On Mom’s lap, ready to rap,
Stared at me, with the third degree,
Hey Paul Neumann, I have your human,
My confession, she’s my possession,
Gives me affection, and protection,
Could hear cat purr, as Mom stroked her fur,
Cat closed her eyes, and stretched lengthwise,
Then I realized, this thought crystallized,
Mom loves that cat more than me,
She just may, that’s all I can say,
She just may, but that’s OK.
Copyright © 2018 by Jeff Danglo - All Rights Reserved.